mental metamorphosis

At my elementary school graduation ceremony, there were three coveted awards to be given out. Two students were awarded for academic excellence, and the third was called The Optimist Award. I received The Optimist Award. To be honest, I didn’t really understand what it meant or why the hell I got it, but I was elated to be the single recipient of something. Today, I’ve come to realize the best quality a person can have is a sense of unrelenting optimism. I don’t think I got that gene, but hats off to those who do. To be able to see the good or opportunity in adversity is a superpower, and something I think we should all work towards. I’ve recently learned about Robert K Merton, and his theory of the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. His theory is that if you have a certain negative belief or premonition about something, it is more likely to come true. You subconsciously go through the motions (self-sabotage) to make that failure true. Your behavior begins to act in accordance with your false belief, and unbeknownst to you, these behaviors materialize and you get exactly what you wished for. In parallel, The Law of Attraction supports this hypothesis positively; using manifestation and optimism. So if you apply the same logic, and embody your goals, theoretically, they’re more likely to come true? Mantak Chai, a Taoist practitioner, theorizes that money is attracted to good energy, and those who exude positive energy lure success and wealth. 

I’m realizing a lot of my blog posts encompass the same underlying themes of personal growth, because it’s something I’ve been experimenting with heavily recently. All of my friends went their separate ways home from college for the summer, so I’m taking this as an opportunity to make these lifestyle changes I crave. So many people use a strict curriculum, gym daily, clubs for their interests, friend and family outings, etc. I think there are equally as many people who, like me, don’t really have any of that self-discipline. I think it’s so much harder to start from absolute zero than to start with 50% and work up to 100%. So I’ve found myself deepdiving on this very interesting side of Instagram and Substack, a corner of small creators who discuss simple ways to alter your personal narrative and take the reins back on life. So many of us live on autopilot; a routine with school, work, social media, some personal care, and maybe gaming or other small activities. My perspective is shifting; and I’m learning that the reason change is so goddamn hard is because it puts our brains into a channel of unpredictability; and it’s human instinct for unpredictability to be seen as a threat. Our brains and bodies are less inclined to make changes when we feel comfortable as we are. Which makes sense: if it ain't broke, don’t fix it. My personal objective is to shift this discomfort for thrill; same way that adrenaline junkies get a high off of jumping out of planes, I want to get a high from getting incrementally closer to the life I want. 

At a very difficult and dark point of my life, I read Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. Although it’s been many years since I read the book; thoughI do remember the end being sort of gruesome, a very popular metaphor from the book resonated with me, very deeply:

This fucked with my brain so good, at a time I truly needed a revelation. It’s been 2+ years since then, and although I don’t expect Rome to be built in a day, I certainly realize how much power fearlessness embodies. If you can endure the discomfort needed for positive growth and transition, you’re making the right decisions. I’m not going to sit here and act like I’ve made every right decision and took every risk because that is not the truth. Just like how they say camera man never dies, my assumption is that the stupid blogger will type their future into existence. And I’ve noticed so many great things since starting this blog, first and foremost hearing from friends and peers that they enjoy my writing makes me feel like I’m on top of the world. Second is Kidlin’s Law: if you are able to write your problem out, in clear terms, you’ve already solved the hardest part of the equation. So I’m really trying to slow down, not rush through life, and focus on quality over quantity in my habits. Like I’ve said about a hundred times before, socialmediadopaminerushblalblabla. It’s so true though, you never feel satiated even after watching hours of content. So I’m really trying to move away from things that give me instant gratification. Online shopping, doomscrolling, snacking. It’s all the same, just in different aspects of our lives. 

I’m definitely the type of person that needs to have the clock running and the pressure on in order to dish out my best quality work. While I can sit on my ass all day and argue that everything is fine as long as shit gets done, that’s just not a habit that deserves positive reinforcement. My perspective is this: if I can build the foundation for the life I want, embodying the positive traits I need later, now, it can be a gradual change as opposed to a mid-life crisis or cold, hard reality slapping me across the face. I think a lot about what kind of adult I want to be, and there are two types of people in this world: Would I rather just be complacent and go with wherever the wind takes me, or grab life by the balls and direct my own story? The latter sounds much more fun, and definitely more fulfilling.

I think we should all strive to grab life by the balls.

-jfux